SURRENDER REVISITED

 

Surrender isn’t a word I take lightly.  For years it meant giving up.  Raise the white flag, admit defeat – mindless, numbing, relinquishment. The dictionary definition of surrender means 1) to yield something to the possession or power of another; 2) deliver up possession of on demand or under duress or to give (oneself) up; and, 3) to give up, abandon, or relinquish (comfort, hope, etc.) .  It was the etc. part that really got to me. 

Sounds familiar doesn’t it?   

I have my own definition of surrender. Surrender means loss and as a birthmother the “ETC” in the defination above signifies the loss of a child.  Actually, it’s the loss of two children – the girl I was at 17 and the child I gave away (in my case twins). Surrender meant loss of control, loss of choice and ultimately giving up on myself.

That’s when I started to make the distinction.  There is a huge difference between surrender and giving up. Giving up is the ultimate disbelief in yourself and what you are truly capable of.  It is telling yourself that there is nothing you can do, or no way for you to change or make your situation better.  When you dwell in this emotion — what do you think this brings into your life?

Not only did I surrendered my children, I totally gave up on myself.  I wasn’t good enough to be a mother, I was unworthy, damaged and less than.  That I was able to create a life for myself with that belief system in place amazes me.  But I did.

I realized there were two “me’s”.  There was the girl who gave her children away and the other “me” that was determined to be better- to move forward despite the feelings of unworthiness, and never give in or give up again.  So there was the “me” that was scared, wounded weak, needy and damaged and the “me” of my heart and my soul. The spiritual  “me”, my authentic self, pushed forward, always urging me to look, to dig deeper, to forgive and to release. That part of me was the strength that allowed me to be more than just my story or my experience. And once again I had to surrender – to yield to all of it – the fear, the hurt, the self doubt, the anger. I willingly surrendered to all my emotions and all my negative self talk.  I allow myself to feel my weakness and my strength, my damaged self, and my absolutely perfect self.

Surrender meant turning my thoughts away from what happened that was out of my control and trusting that I was more than my experience.  I surrendered to the part of me that was more than the voices in my head – for me – my higher self – and when I released that resistance and surrendered I found a place of healing.

Today, surrender for me is peace. It’s allowing things to be exactly as they are. It’s allowing full expression of all my emotions and all the different aspects of myself. This time – it’s different. I choose Surrender. I chose to let go off my shame, my grief and my “I’m not worthy “conversation.  Yes, surrender is admitting – admitting that I WAS powerless and today I am empowered.  Surrender, is not mindless or numbing. Surrender is a conscious choice for me to move forward.

I surrender all of my fears – those nameless fears which shadowed me for such a long time, dulling my happiness and clouding me with fear and apprehension. I’m done with being fearful, angry, and limiting.

I willingly surrendered to the thoughts, the feeling and the emotions I have.  Surrender is one of my golden keys.  It facilitates my healing.  If I don’t surrender to the feelings I have – they control me. The more I resist them – the more powerful they become.  Surrender now, signifies release. When I’m feeling stuck, sometimes it’s as simple as saying I DO need help, I won’t give up but I will surrender and the answers come quickly.

So this time, my white flag flies with a symbol of peace.  It is a symbol of my willingness to experience all that I am and all that I feel.  I surrender all my feelings to the divine and my higher power. I give myself the gift of grace, surrendering to what is in this moment, opening my arms and my heart to what is real for me, embracing the whole of who I am.

Today’s Soul Candy

I claim surrender as a key to unlock my healing.
I claim my strength.

 

Healing Action Steps

1)   Today, affirm that surrender opens a pathway to healing.  This is especially helpful if you have resisted or limited the power of true surrender in the past.

When you start to pay attention to your emotions and self talk and begin asking yourself what’s underneath those feelings you begin to realize you have a choice and you are so much more than you imagined.

We are all so much more powerful that we were ever told.  There are many ways to “surrender” and sometimes it’s just saying “I don’t know it all, I am releasing all attachment to the way things should have been, or should be. I am releasing any attachment to the HOW and I am leaving it up to God/the Universe/My Higher Power to give me what I need to move forward.  I don’t need to know the HOW, I trust, I am willing.

2)   Make a list of all the ways you gave up on yourself and all the feelings you have tried to hide. Remember this is about surrendering.  After you complete your list, look at the two or three emotions that you resist the most.

3)   Reflect on your list and ask yourself – How have I resisted these emotions? How do I try to hide, manage or control them?  What behavior have I used to avoid, ignore and deny their existence? Where do I need to surrender?

4)   Close your eyes, breath in the affirmation – I claim surrender as a key to unlock my healing. I claim my strength – and ask your higher self, your inner wisdom – What are the gifts in these emotions?  What have I learned by expressing or resisting them? And, lastly, what would my life look like if I simply surrendered and allowed these feelings to exist just as they are? Would Ihave more peace? More contentment? More grace and ease in my life?

5)   Can you SEE the difference between “giving up” and surrender?  Is there a certain decision and/or path in your life telling yourself “you MUST KNOW the answer”?  Have you “given up” because you have “tried everything?   

6)   Notice what happens as you choose to embrace those feelings rather than reject each of them. The process of surrendering and allowing yourself to feel your feelings can bring about a new perspective, a higher level of healing and unexpected outcomes.

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